At the time my wife and I met, I had a very gregarious personality. She describes it frequently as “larger than life” and I can’t see it. Took forever to open up and become one with my personality. I know I was an extreme introvert up til that time.
For some reason, I must have simply adopted an outfit of an extrovert for that season. It paid off well, years and four kids later. But, nowadays, i’m reverted back to being an introvert. Only very rarely do I don the wardrobe expected of an extrovert. Mostly around campfires and my long time friends.
Here is a particularly odd challenge im facing because of this. My music is suffering. I’m playing out more than I ever have but i’m intensely disliking it. The words freeze in my throat and they come out as murmurs or stammerings or gross misinterpretation of the original lyrics. I’ve had to step back from performing and try to find a different alternative.
For some reason, that cape of extroversion is no longer available to me at this season.
I could give up and call it quits, I could shop for others to perform my songs or I could find solution(s). I am going to go with the third option. There is the internet and Youtube and various other outposts I can engage in without fear or fright or extreme nervousness around people. Still trying to figure out what triggered this reversion?
Its tough to make art. Its even tougher to present it well. The thing I’ve had trouble with even more than anything is figuring out a way to make a living doing my art. I know that when I can wear that cape of “invincibility” I can move a whole crowd of people to foot tapping and clapping and dancing. But, that cape isn’t an at will thing (yet).
Which brings me back to you the reader. What stands in your way that you have to reimagine or embrace differently to make it work for you? Do you suffer from stagefright? Do you have trouble throwing on the introversion cape? Extroversion? Meeting people? Strange situations? Do you present your art without fear but notice it appears elsewhere in your work/life/love? do you like orange juice? That last one is just for funzies.
I’d like to know if I am alone in this reversion or others face it as well. Daily, it seems, I would like to be reminded by the vast world, that I am not as peculiar as I once thought. A sense of belonging, maybe as I am sure we all long for that. “Til then I walk alone,” Boulevard of broken dreams by Green Day