Struggled chapter 3 part one

Dating and other amenities

Teenager hood is terrible. Hormones, puberty, acne, changes…etc. I survived somewhat intact in my teenager years with some sense of loser and some sense of winner. In high school, I was a quiet, shy person. I relate to a lot of high school movies. I try to relive my memories through theirs sometimes. Actually, truthfully: a lot. I watch the New Guy and I totally fantasize that my high school time was that cool, that James Deanish! Then I pull out the yearbook once a year and am slapped in the face with the reality of the situation. I was not cool then. Not even all the time now, but there is glimpses of brilliance. It’s just hiding. It’s there though!

I write often like my mind works. Confidence gaining and waning. Knowledge and embarrassment. Giraffes and bullets. Corn fed and crippled. Stamps and stampedes…etc.

Ah yes! Teenager delights and dilemmas and deliverance! Not the movie either but more of a moving from Egypt to the Promise Land type deliverance. You know, the time where you are almost at your destination but wander around for forty years, 1 mile from The Land that is Promised. Yeah, that was my teenager hood.

I remember footsie at church. I remember kissing at church. I remember sneaking off into the darkened gymnasium at church with my first girlfriend.
Then I remember the pastor telling me point blank that I needed to drop my friend (who also attended) and hang out with some true friends. I was outraged. I still maybe am. It felt wrong to me to abandon my homie. We were down with the clowns. ICP and all. We had seen the lives that goes on behind closed doors. We knew what the other went through. And, I was told to drop him and walk away from that? Not me. I’m loyal sometimes to a fault. I knew that felt wrong to drop him, so I dropped church instead.

I was oddly okay with that at the time. I knew that I had been hurt. I knew I had been harmed and that life would never be the same. After all, I was informed by my first girlfriend that we were no longer going out when she showed up at church with another boy.


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