Soon, anger would turn to bitterness and over time towards his end, it would all turn to final acceptance. At that moment, he started becoming a wonderful person but it was too little too late it seemed at the time. 18 years of torture and abuse with 2 years of good behavior? Yeah, it doesn’t equal out does it?
It was everyday that I heard what a worthless pile of crap I was, how terrible I was and how I was just a loser. It was everyday at school that I would take crap and get beat up because my mother worked her fingers to the bone to provide even just a little bit of stuff for us. If she was late, dad would scream till 5 in the morning at her. He always accused her of having affairs. Oddly, even those preachers who spout only about affairs generally are the guilty. Something about reflecting or some such psychobabble. In real life though, it doesn’t matter that he saw the world this way, it only mattered that he took it out on us. So, here we are with a paralyzed dad, a very tired and worn out mother and being caught in poverty.
I had no defence as a child. I had a few things going for me however. Some Outliers if you will. I had the opportunity to witness first hand pain, anguish, empathy, loneliness, longing, human motivation, psychology, bad parenting and other such important themes in my life. So, it seems I would become a psychopathic killer with serial tendencies towards brutality. Instead, with help and the proper guidance, I have sought to help people with disabilities and to learn how to be someone who is awesome at home. Well, honestly trying to be. I would rather be awesome to them than the rest of the world. But perhaps, I can still do both. Awesomely. That’s my goal. I digressed.
Here was I, a nerdy, four eyed, poor kid who was super skinny and had no confidence taking on a world of children who had good looks, good parents and money. I didn’t stand a chance of winning any contest especially concerning the class favorite. To top it off, my teachers would expect greatness from me when I couldn’t even see it for myself. They would call me to spool the video with no proper instruction. I would have no clue so the class would laugh and laugh. Then I would have to ask and feel like an idiot when it was a simple thing. Then the rest of the kids would make fun of me unrelenting through the week. This would be my hell away from hell till late middle school.