So there I sat, bored and complacent and wanting a new life. I had no idea which direction to go, I just knew I was tired of struggling. Tired of struggling to pay bills, fix vehicles, train children to stop fighting, struggling for gas money to even get to work. Tired of all of it. I wanted out. I wanted a new way to view things and an opportunity to move on to a different struggle. One where there was money enough to make ends meet and maybe to live a little. One struggle that would leave me happy and unconcerned if the kids busted some gadget. One struggle where I could be at peace with without freaking out or being angry. One different struggle than I currently knew.
I was tired from day one when my life started. I was caught up in the same cycle that my parents were and their parents were and so on. Not only did I have to figure out a way to break that cycle eventually, like many, but life saw fit to handicap me with someone elses handicap. My father’s to be exact.
He was a good man, but I couldn’t admit that to myself for thirty three years. Thirteen of those years were spent without him because of his untimely death. Or timely. I’m not sure which. But he, in spite of being a good man, led in bad ways and did bad things. I separate the two now. I mean, which one of us could look around and say we are perfect, never hurt anyone, never got angry and yada yada. Zero. Some even look around and say, hey, I can do what I want, It’s my life, I don’t need you in it… blah blah. Oddly enough, yes, it is our life, the kick comes from the fact that what we do matters to others.
For instance: imagine if you will a time and a place where you were supposed to do something for someone but could not. Or, think back to a moment where you got angry or upset with someone and perhaps blew a few words of anger at them. Did that just hurt them, you or others? You see, it is not so much what we do as to how it affects others. We don’t get to simply say, that this life is ours. There is a ripple effect.