As one progresses towards doing the same thing for a very long time there are aspects that creep in that disrupt the passion.
I’ve been butchering and slaughtering livestock for almost twelve years and in that time I have went from on fire passionate about it to almost bored with it to a certain standoffishness to a passionate dislike of it on some days.
I was asked once what I was doing in the mornings by a lady that I worked at the nursing home with. She used to own the butcher shop in the tiny town and thought I could go lend my talents there to help out as well. Sent me down there to talk to the owner and from then on, I have butchered. I have seen the insides of many cattle and pigs. I have seen many guts, lots of poop and green pistachio puddling looking stuff that shoots out of abscesses. Ew gross right? Yeah but I loved it, lived it and breathed it.
I thought that was who I was or was supposed to be. It isn’t. What I do is not who I am. It has taken me a long time to understand that principle and apply it to my own life. Through this process, I have discovered, uncovered and recovered various things that were flawed about me. I have used the knife on myself almost as thoroughly as the animals I have dispatched the carcasses of. I have come face to face with mortality, fear, consequences, abuse and love. I have met my wife through this process. I have improved through this. I have driven some of my demons to another dimension and gotten some monkeys off my back. This process has had me questioning my thoughts, actions, habits and desires. But, here I am, I have come through the fire and found my way towards home. I have started to remove that beam in my own eye. I have cut myself as I have used the knife on animals.
So at the end of this journey through meat, I have kind of arrived at a destination from where to jump off of and towards a new start. It is surprising that one can travel a road and learn so much even doing the same things daily. It is wisdom to stick with things and focus. It is challenging to have staying power. The plus sides? Doing something long enough to get good at it tends to spill over to other walks of life. Sticking with something increases focus. A deeper understanding is reached of your particular field.
My advice. Use what you have from where you are right now to reflect on and learn from. Glean its wisdom and apply it ferociously to yourself. Peace all. enjoy what you do, hate it, be bored with it and then finally appreciate what it has done for you so you may love it fondly at its conclusion.