Butchering an unhealthy relationship

I’m huge on finding people that are looking to try to abuse me in some way. Certain people just seem to gravitate towards me. I don’t know why or how they come to hear of me but it does happen. I used to get all ticked off, saddened, depressed and hurt by them. I’ve started to just simply state my boundaries and pray for them. Their problem, not any longer mine. I’m sure not going to carry their negativity around with me. That’s their reflection of their lives. Not going to be mine.

Recently I got notice that I would be serving on Federal Grand Jury Duty. This happens to be in Davenport which is almost 2 and 1/2 hours away from my little town. We are 45 minutes from anywhere except for Davenport apparently. My new boss I will call Khan Jr. was informed about this on friday and replied, “that’s ok they are done by five you can be back and working at six until two, no problem.” Only I have a huge problem with that. Let me lay out the math for those unfamiliar with the drive times here. Two and a half hours to Davenport, serve on jury, one hour to Iowa City to work from 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. (or later), drive another hour to home and then repeat. So I would have to get home at three, leave at 5:30 and basically eek just an hour of good sleep out per this time.

One of the higher ups said, “I could lose my job over this because I need to work.” WHOA! Back up lady with a b name all of a sudden! I don’t need you, you need me for starters. For seconds, I’m sure it is a federal crime to be fired over jury duty. For thirds, I just started here and you all want to shine forth your lies and treachery? That’s a good deciding factor. I’m unimpressed.

Not only that but I didn’t ask and wasn’t told whether I would be cleaning something that goes against my beliefs as a Christian, let alone as a human being. It turns out the duty four nights a week is to clean an abortion clinic. Personal feelings and beliefs aside, I still don’t like it. It’s eery. It’s creepy and it made me feel dirty. I am having a moral dilemma over it. Knowing that I am getting paid by ‘blood money’ is huge in my next decision. I work with greedy, selfish people who blaspheme the sanctity of life. That is something that has plagued me since starting. I mean if I wanted to go support things I don’t believe in I would preferentially go gamble, return to drugs or hit the bars back up. So there is my dilemma. I feel the need to just simply quit before walking down this road. I have strong opinions on abortion which I will not tell you here. If you know me personally you know that I believe deeply enough to quit and go without money versus the opposite. I’m not a very good sheep in areas of this moral arena. I don’t allow myself to be led to do something I won’t or don’t agree with. I will not sell myself out just for a couple hundred bucks. Not going to happen.

So it is no surprise that my wife is a tad stressed out about this. Our bills are getting later, we are falling behind but I am going to have to stand on principle alone here. I know that her security muscle is tightening but God is saying have faith. Even if I stay, I am not guaranteed that I can maintain this job through jury duty. I sure can’t do this in deer season when things get busy at the butcher shop. What it is is a chance for a small time to shine a light. It is a chance for me to show that people can do a good job, even if their boss doesn’t care. To me, I want to see a job well done and not dinking off because the ‘boss is unfair.’ I think we all should play on a fair, adult playground. Not the triple x one either. I think we ought to be unafraid to take any job or do what we must without retaliation. I am surprised that more of us put up with abusive spouses, bosses, parents…etc. I for one, am going to serve the Lord. Come what may, I will not sell my integrity for a handful of dollars. Those dollars don’t matter to me. The doing of the right thing does.

So here’s me butchering an unhealthy relationship. I’m going to kill this thing to make it useful and use my faith to know things will work out. How about you?


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