Some day I shall miss being a nobody heard of. Some day soon I shall not enjoy being able to be and speak dangerously. Some day I won’t get free random moments to not be a hero or superstar. It’s weird how one day everything you say or do is acceptable then you grow from teenagerhood to adulthood and that is no longer accepted of you. Then the bar is raised and now all of a sudden more is expected…no, demanded of you. Perfection is required and if a person has been doing their due dilligence, they are going to be ok. If a Kurt Cobain story happens and a person is not ready to be thrust from darkness and obscurity into light, tragedy shall befall that person.
I’m aware that I’m not wanting to go after the light or the money but I know that I am set aside and peculiar to reach a couple of people. I may not ever be as household of a name as SLASH (Saul Hudson) but I will mean something to some people. Currently, even a family who used to love me, shuns me. I will handle that in stride. It is like they are all swimming like sharks just waiting for the blood. Bring it. I still love ya and I pray that you receive sight. There is nothing worse than having two eyes that work yet not seeing a single thing. I will not be blind or bound by the failures taught to me by some very dominant facets of life. I’m moving forward. If a person chooses to hate me, then hate me if you will. I won’t any longer be the yo-yo on your string. I’m not attached to the outcomes, just me being me and getting better at that.
I used to think I would be famous. Now I just would like to shine a light in the direction of truth. I’m tired of the world lying to me and telling me it’s the truth. I feel it in my gut that something doesn’t add up. I feel terrible for those who believe what they are spoon fed. We are to go search out the truth dilligently and I am quite certain we come hard-wired with it inside our gut. We must trust our hunches and be not deceived. I am aware of what is coming forward and some is scary but mostly sad. I see people who have it all…..except of course for one thing. I’ll let you decide for yourself what that one thing is but here’s a hint from Bruce Almighty Soundtrack. There’s a bowl of soup with each and every one of us that is just waiting to be divided into two halves. From Forrest Gump, there’s a box with a certain chocolate picked out for us from before time. Meet what your truth is supposed to be.
I previously, thought that life mattered. That life would come and pick you and assuage your fans to treat you like royalty and jump and cheer for every single thing you do. That is simply not the case. I used to think I was going to be one of those people who became famous early and often. Wake UP!!!!! Yeah, the only fame I’ve gotten so far has been born of obscurity. But, if I, just so, happen to change people’s lives for the better, I have achieved something lasting and of value. And not even for me but for Him who sent me. My dad’s funeral could barely hold the amount of people pouring in that he had affected. I wouldn’t mind being a ghost and writing postcards and watching, monitoring people from above after I die, before I move on to the other side waiting. I would like to see how many people show up and if I mattered to someone, somewhere or I just remained an obscure name that everyone has to look in their yearbooks to even recall. Either way, I’m going to give it my all. I was hoping for something huge and huge is sometimes found only in the small things, I’m learning. So be blessed and seek truth. Be grateful, be honest. Be silly, be huge in the little tiny moments of kindness. Go help someone way too busy and stressed to be happy. Go read to kids, go tutor students, use your gifts for good and not evil. Change someones life and you may never even know that you did. Random. Kindness. Love.