I like my work on occasion. Today, however, was not one of those magical days. It was a day fraught with good intentions and bad dilemmas, but it still was a good day. I look forward to days where the work goes smooth as do most of you. It is the days like today that are a challenge that make us appreciate the easy days. Somedays leave a person feeling quite tired and worn out. Some make us energized and wanting more. No matter what, we can choose to fight the things going against us or go with them. Rolling with the punches is quite a challenge to do but well worth it. That was what I finally had to break down and do today, even though I really didn’t want to. I am glad I did though. If a person fights against it, not only do they waste more energy and time but they also tend to wind up angry and upset and take it out on those close.
I choose to go with the problems and work through them than to fight the wind.
Whenever I’m driving and I am facing a headwind, I would rather have just stayed home. Whenever I’m working and every odd stacks against me, I think and dream of the day when I shall have a new set of problems. I know I won’t be butchering forever just as Steve Jobs wasn’t going to farm apples forever. Change is on the horizon and dreams are coming into sight.
For the longest time I thought dreams were unreachable goals that no one ought to shoot for. Then I realized, I dream big and life will not persuade me to stop doing just that. I have a new enlightenment about it all. Peace that passes understanding. Peaches where there used to be plums. Apples where there used to be acorns. I have arms and legs put forward and cartooned into my dreamscapes now. I have a new attitude and a new heart, beating zest through my body. Pulsing, racing and maniacally ripping through my doubt and fear and slashing to bits my lack of self confidence. I push forward and perservere.
Sometimes, long ago, I used to think I was too stupid to stop. Then life tried beating that out of me. I don’t know how to stop, I only know to keep going. I am on dark waters that just got brighter and the sun shining moment after the storm clouds have stopped their torment. I see a land that Columbus thought never existed. My dream has set me on its own course of discovery. For that, I am truly, madly, deeply grateful and appreciative.
In high school my terrible guidance counselor/wasted office on some dead beat jagoff asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. He got paid probably by the student he ushered through his door and off to a life oblivious to helping them. He instead looked at the clock and said his next appointment was ready as I still had not described to him what I would be. I tried to communicate that I couldn’t simply go to college for what I wanted to be or could I do anything but keep going to get there. I wanted to write and play guitar. I was never prepared to tackle this life in such a way that led me straight there through college. I didn’t have something easy in mind and I still don’t. I wasn’t like alot of people (the lucky few) who actually knew what they wanted to do or what they were good at and hatched their plan. The bird,the babies and the hatching process wasn’t so cut and dried for someone like me who lived the ugly life a day at a time. Until recently I was not able to see past the day current. I couldn’t think ten years later, nor was I afforded that luxury. Now, I see where I can actually take the drivers seat of my dreams and just go about making them make me. I hope you have told that counselor or bully or disgruntled parent, friend or teacher that you have had enough of their crappy negativity and instead head yourself forward and find your calling. I hope you pulled a Johnny Cash, and flipped the birdie and moved forward onto your wildest dreamscapes, where the haters stood off to the sides and shouted NO! at your dreams. I did and will continue to do so. No, I will not fit into another persons’ magical formula for my life. No, I will not be told that I dream too big. And most importantly, I will not settle for a crummy average life by anyone’s means. I want and demand the right to reach my dreams and look back with a slowly showing smile of pride in something well done. I will not live in suburbia, mow my yard every 84 hours on the dot or take your path. I’m making my own way on this planet and taking my own blank sheet of paper to map out my progress. Not because I don’t think it’s possible you’re going to make it, but I don’t want to go where you go. Then after all of that has dawned upon you ( the one who has all the answers to their life and absolutely none to yours)……Enjoy your accomplishments and I, too, will enjoy mine. God bless.